How has living abroad changed or altered your future plans?

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How has living abroad changed or altered your future plans?

chajones
Administrator
Original question:

...for all my UNDER 30/SINGLE LADIES... How has living abroad changed or altered your future plans? (ie marriage, family, etc)..do you sometimes feel like you have postponed your life to follow a goal/dream/fantasy by living abroad?

For my OVER 30 OR MARRIED LADIES...what advice would you give us single and especially younger traveling ladies out there? Should we be concerned with what happens after this is over?

I only ask because I have encountered alot of us 20 somethings living abroad who are enjoying the experience and have full lives...but in the area of love..well...you know the rest :)


Answers:

Lileko Lishomwa Perhaps its time to shack up with a Korean and get that magical F2 visa, hehe - with having less than a month to go before turning 30, I've postponed nothing!
November 28 at 12:39pm · Like ·  1

Jessica Fry Why did you make the age requirements, lol...I've met 20 somethings expats that are married and 30 something expats that are single
November 28 at 12:48pm · Like ·  1

Jessica Fry Im 29 and getting married next week, yay! But Ive been out here for over 3 years I didnt feel like I was postponing my goals or my life because it wasnt my goal to get married and have a family. It was my goal to be happy. When I graduated from college I did have that normal American Dream plan but I was only into the plan for 3 years, when I realized that the American Dream sucks...and I'm grateful that I didnt wake up 20 years later like most people. So my point is, I dont think you should worry about it because you have no control when it comes to your relationships with people. Speed dating in your hometown is no more likely to bring you love as traveling the world and dating when the opportunities come to you. I have girlfriends that returned home 2 years ago and have not gotten married, its my own theory, but Americans, especially American men are not breaking their necks to get married, our culture is going in a different direction. You can control your career and other important things in life but I think in relationships with people all you can do is be open, honest, safe and fair. The rest is up to the universe.
November 28 at 1:07pm · Like ·  11

Tamara Buchanan ‎Jessica Fry just spoke the truth and I 2nd it :)
November 28 at 1:19pm · Like ·  3

Cha Jones I am 35 and I use to be like... I think it's time to go home so I can meet the person I am going to marry, but now I am like please. I feel like the same God that brought me here knows my desires and I desire to be married and live abroad, so he knows if I go home then I am not marrying a man who doesn't desire to travel and live abroad. So, there you have it. I am thinking (Place, Plan, and Prevision) God knows the place, he has the plan, and he will provide. I was asked to come home and be married this summer and it sounded GREAT, then I started to feel stuck like I was going to die. I had to eliminate that option and think about the places I want to live. I can meet the man of my dream wherever I am.
November 28 at 1:35pm · Like ·  12

Alana D Allen I said under 30 OR single ladies a person could one or the oher..lol...the reason why I asked it this way is because..well...i'm under 30 and that is the age of the people I have met who have worried the most...the over 30ish people I have met abroad have been of the same mindset as Cha Jones...not that they don't have same desires..its their thinking, whether through age or experience, has progressed beyond a 20-somethings...not saying all but a good majority

Also, being that I'm in the Korean culture where not being married by your early 20s puts you in "old maid" category...This topic comes up in shape or form (by colleagues, korean friends,etc) everyday..its always that neon elephant in the room...that sometimes makes you question whether you're crazy or not lol

Congrats Jessica Fry! He got any brothers?? ;) lol
November 28 at 2:20pm · Like ·  1

Alana D Allen I see what your saying Jessica...my goal also has never been to go to another country and get married...BUT..one of my fears has been that one day after my travel bug has waned a bit..and I start feeling "domestic" lol.. I'm gonna look up and decide to settle down only to find that i'm playing a game that I'm too old, inexperienced, and out of touch for....yikes
November 28 at 2:24pm · Like

Alana D Allen I feel like the same God that brought me here knows my desires and I desire to be married and live abroad, so he knows if I go home then I am not marrying a man who doesn't desire to travel and live abroad..."
/\ /\ THIS!!!!
November 28 at 2:29pm · Like

Enshea S Daniel hey! i'm 23 and currently studying abroad in south korea. this is really random, but a few weeks ago i had a dream where i got married in japan.
November 28 at 3:43pm · Unlike ·  2

Cha Jones ‎Alana D Allen I too share your concern, but really God is everywhere and I struggle with wanting to marry a man who is "black" and understands my pain because I am attracted to black men, not anything against black Africans or other races but I want a brother who really understands me. I am open but I want what I want. So, for me I fight going back so I can marry a man I can relate to. However, if he doesn't travel and isn't interested in traveling honey we aren't going to relate much. So, that is why I say you never know you can meet what you want where you are if your open to the possibilities.
November 28 at 6:04pm · Like ·  2

Temperance Bonner So I turn 30 in two days and met a great guy here in South Korea a month ago. So I'm dating but technically single. I agree that since being abroad and seeing the world are part of my goals I'd want a partner with the same goals and I'm unlikely to find him at home. Shoot I was at home for 5 years and went on very few dates, but have been here a few months and am getting play left and right. So I don't feel like I've postponed life at all. Life is what you make of it and I feel I'm living a better life and am happier doing the things I want and being where I want. And I want a partner who can share that.
November 28 at 6:46pm · Like ·  3

Tamara Buchanan ‎Temperance Bonner just curious...is he Korea?
November 28 at 6:48pm · Like

Temperance Bonner Actually no, he's a white Texan (cause it is like it's own country lol) and the dude before was South African(black) and been flirting heavily with another guy also South African (white). I mentioned race because here people have been a little more open to interracial dating I've found.
November 28 at 6:51pm · Like ·  3

Alona Elisha Ballard Before I moved to Abu Dhabi I was clueless as to what my future would hold in not only dating, but life in general. As women of color who live abroad, we have a unique mindset that the average American "brotha" may not be able to get with. So I just say that to say that if and when the man I am meant to marry comes around I couldn't even guess what his ethnicity might be. Equal Opportunity Dater right here. BTW I represent the over 30 club.
November 28 at 8:27pm via mobile · Like ·  7

Alana D Allen I agree...I found that my conversation was a little "too extra" for some black American men even BEFORE i left the country...I can only imagine what we would have to talk about besides i think your skin is sexy...

And thats the thing I have never dated interracially...and I do find other races attractive..but there is something about a black man that is just...sigh...

However, I will say that mentally I have pushed back whatever goal I had for myself..or an idea of one anyway (like the age i wanna do the whole 3ms-- marriage, mortgage, maternity, thing)..because I honestly just don't see it happening right now lol...
November 28 at 10:18pm · Unlike ·  1

Brittany Menifield When I lived in Japan, my honey became very motivated to become international! He's even doing an exporting and importing business in Japan and secured a deal with one of the top companies in Japan! He is doing it and I'm very proud of him! It made our relationship really interesting and I can truly say we can do long distance while pursuing our goals! I'm very lucky but in the end it's influenced him to do very BIG things!
November 29 at 3:24am · Like ·  2

Brittany Menifield ‎Jessica Fry I agree with you wholeheartedly!
November 29 at 3:26am · Like

Brittany Menifield Oh oops I'm 23 yea
November 29 at 3:28am · Like

Brittany Menifield ‎*23 years old
November 29 at 3:28am · Like

Jamasian Kiana Christie I think about what I'm doing to my future sometimes and the people that will be in and out of my life. Under 30 and single but I'm usually worried about my career and how I will get closer to obtain it with all of this traveling. Sometimes I think about how my family life will play out but since I have dreams that I'm married or in a serious relationship, I believe that it will happen. The question of when is something I don't want to think about because I don't want to be married right now. I just graduated college so I want to conquer a few dreams first.
November 29 at 4:40am · Like

Brittany Menifield That's a great thing! It's hard for finding a man that wants to settle down overseas for good cause they get homesick or they end finding another woman overseas they like and leave u in the dust!
November 29 at 7:33am · Like ·  1

Ebony Bowens Holy crap, Jessica Fry, that was amazing. SO much truth in that. I fell like I really needed to read that. Thank you!!!
November 29 at 10:57pm · Like

Ebony Bowens By the way, I'm 23 years old and absolutely love living abroad but I am worried about finding "the one" abroad. I love reading all the comments in this conversation. I am unfortunately old-fashioned, if that's what you want to call it, and I want to settle down, get married, and have a bunch of kids. When, where, and with who is all up in the air, but I can't help but feel nervous about it... Plus, in my experience here, Japanese guys are less prone to pursue African American women compared to my "white" American friends. I pretty much worry about this crap too much, haha. Hoping God will bring me "the one" soon! (No matter where he may be from ♥ )
November 29 at 11:04pm · Like ·  1

Leslie Humphrey In my experience a lot of them are more interested in Black women than in Caucasians. Just a lot of them are shy or perceive that their interest won't be reciprocated but it's all anecdotal isn't it. If it's meant to be then surely it will be :)
November 29 at 11:09pm · Like

Ebony Bowens I suppose you're right, Leslie. They only have the gall to talk to me when they're drunk haha. I'm looking for more than a drunken make out shesh in a club! ><
November 29 at 11:12pm · Like

Leslie Humphrey LOL fair enough!
November 29 at 11:13pm · Like

Youlanda D. Barber Living, working, learning and spiritual growing while being abroad is my life, dream, and love. Plus, I am married to my profession, and an added bonus is I have a wonderful sweetheart that I've known since I was 2 years old. I have not had to compromise or postpone anything, but thanks for asking.
November 29 at 11:21pm · Like

Anazette Celeste Hudson While I plan to marry and have a family someday, I'm not in a rush to do so at 25. I saw the opportunity to work abroad and I seized it, not giving too much thought to future marriage/family plans. I figure when that time comes, whether abroad or at home, I'll handle it when it arrives, but for now I like to focus on the present and live my life with this blessed freedom I have while developing/working on myself and building healthy relationships with others. I'm not sure where I'll be in 10 yrs, what man will be in my life, or if I'll have kids already. 10 yrs AGO I wouldn't have imagined that I'd be working in Korea. I used to live in Spain and speak Spanish and I know I want to spend more time there or in another Spanish speaking country. Living in Korea, while I enjoy it, has made me realize how much I miss speaking in my 2nd language. I feel I'm on a positive path, so again, I just focus on the present and stay open to new opportunities when they come my way.
November 29 at 11:52pm · Like ·  1

Andrea Tee ‎Alona Elisha Ballard...Hi Alona, I am in Al Ghariba. I came in Aug. I actually subscribe to your youtube Channel. Anyways, what a great topic. This is a conversation that occurs in many circles of women, especially black women in the states and overseas. I turn 30 in Jan and I believe following our dreams and obeying God is our only human responsiblity. He will take care of the rest. But we also have to do our parts and be "open" (interracial/interrcultural) and position ourselves accordingly (geographic change). Now there are ppl that meet and happily marry in America;however personally speaking I was not having great opportunities with "like-minded" men. I live in the U.A.E now and I haven't been on any dates yet, but I am traveling and doing my hearts desire. I am all for interracial dating/marriage and in fact prefer it. Though i am enligthened on the thought that a man of our melanin will "understand" us better, in many situations that is not the case, especially when it comes to "many, not all" Black American Men. (whole other thread).
November 29 at 11:57pm · Like ·  1

Alona Elisha Ballard Hey Andrea! When r we gonna meet! I love the western region.. I'm coming to the camel festival!
November 30 at 12:08am via mobile · Like

Andrea Tee I'll send you a p.m...@Alona Elisha Ballard
November 30 at 12:12am · Like

Tasha Blackwell WOW what a conversation first of all. So I have been on both ends of this. I moved abroad when I was 26 went back home at 30 for for 6 month and had to get the hell up out of there and now Im 31. Love is not limited to location. My mother and I discussed this same topic. But at the end of the day I decided that if LOVE is going to be in my life it will find me no matter where I am. I won't go on some rant about how black american men aren't on my level or anything like that because I have been on dates with great men and fools of all races. But I will say you are more inclined to find a like-minded American man traveling abroad then you would at home. My decision for myself is I choose to live, live as I choose and to the fullest. I rather do this than sit a home waiting to meet that special person and experience nothing. But as far as men they are out there don't worry. I've date a Korean American man in America who left his job and biked through South America for 3 years, a Nigerian business man in Korea, a Korean actor in South Korea, an African American man in Korea who has now made his way to the middle east and more. There are plenty of opportunities and one of them my be the perfect match for you. Just remember you can have it all the moment your thoughts limit you your life will modify itself to reflect this.
November 30 at 2:15am · Like ·  1

Tasha Blackwell and my first year in Korea I was in Ansan Alana D Allen
November 30 at 2:27am · Like
Ms. Cha Jones (Seoul)